Photo by William Stitt
In her second book, Come Matter Here, Hannah Brencher writes:
“STEAL THIS PRAYER: Dear God, I know I cannot do this life alone. Surround me with people who want good for my life, people who will challenge me to another level. Help me to build others up and be an encourager during hard times. Keep me centered on selflessness, kindness, and honesty in all my interactions. Let my relationships always point back to you.”
People often assume that I give selflessly, but my true aim has often been to be loved and to be seen. I’ve often given to others with a spirit of expectancy. You owe me now. Give me likes. Share my benevolence to you with the world. Don’t forget about what I did for you.
This type of thinking is so unhealthy. My incessant and irrational need to be loved and be cared for gets in the way of me serving others wholeheartedly. There can be nothing in it for me when I’m seeking to truly love someone else.
If I’m to truly serve and have a meaningful impact, then I’m called to give you truth, realness, honesty, and love with no strings attached. This means giving you the imperfect, the raw, and the unpolished.
That scares the crap outta me. I don’t want you to see my flaws – though most I can’t really hide. I don’t want you to know that I’ve given to others with a spirit of expectancy. I don’t want you to know it’s hard for me to serve and show up as my real self.
Alas, telling you all is helpful. I’m tired of lying to the world. I’m wanting to give more. Leave what I have on the table. Give you my best because you deserve it.
The next part is trusting that good will come to me. It always does.
Like Hannah Brencher says, “I am surrounded”.
I am surrounded by love. So are you.