Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash
We can say some harmful things to ourselves. And, no one would ever know.
Personally, I can be extremely grating to myself. You’d never want to live in my mind. I think it’s up to us to be kinder and gentler to ourselves, especially when we drop the ball, mess up, screw up, or just completely fail.
We get to bounce back and be resilient. We are not our failures. They have nothing to do with our self-worth. Though, we often equate all we are worth to how much we achieve or don’t achieve.
Here are a few re-frames I’m going to try today. Pick one that’s useful for you. The original response is my typical first thought to myself (read, mean spirited self-attack). The kinder response is what I’ll work to say instead, after making a mistake.
Original self-talk: Dang, you’re such a loser. Why can’t you get anything right?
Kinder self-talk: Ok. That didn’t go the way we planned. Where’s the lesson there?
Original response: You really offended them with that statement. You should never talk to them again. Just keep the topics light in general.
Kind response: If they tell you that harm was done, listen. Apologize. And seek to heal and understand. We all mess up. And, also, seek to learn more about where they’re coming from. Do your homework.
Original self-talk: So, they never called you back. No one wants you.
Kind self-talk: Looks like we need to seek other opportunities in the meantime. It’s okay to feel hurt about this and move forward at the same time. Rejection has nothing to do with your self-worth.
Often, it’s good to talk these things out with another person. Take some time with someone you can trust, and let them know what messages you’re telling yourself when things fall apart. They might be able to help you with a re-frame as well. Or, just give you the love and validation you didn’t even know you needed.
My therapist is a great resource for me. And, you know I’m all about the power of counseling.