Sure, men who catcall you are disgusting but men who pretend to be your friend until they find out you don’t want to have sex with them are more disgusting.
— mantis toboggan MD (@m0ldylunchb0xx) June 16, 2018
Sinclair: What led you to share this impactful and timely message?
Cassy: I have experienced several “losses” of friendships due to the fact that the men I chose to bring into my life viewed my friendship only as some consolation prize for not wanting to sleep with them. In the moment that I shared that tweet I was honestly just frustrated with my interactions with men that day and felt the need to express that thought.
Sinclair: Have you ever been in a situation like this before where a man pretended to be your friend the purposes of having sex with you? If yes, how did you advocate for yourself?
Cassy: Yes, I have been in various situations like that. The most that I could do is cut off contact. I’m not interested in pursuing a one sided friendship with someone who has ulterior motives, and I also don’t need to explain myself to that person either.
Sinclair: Why do you think some men are this way?
Cassy: If I knew why men were the way they were I probably wouldn’t be so angry all the time.
Sinclair: What do you say to men who say, “That’s not me. Stop generalizing and acting like all men do that.”
Cassy: Pick up a newspaper, watch the news, read a book. Men have consistently been the oppressors of women. If you aren’t the one being oppressed and you are telling me that you’re “not all like that”, be quiet and listen to women who are telling you about their trauma, lived experiences, fear, and oppression. Be quiet. It isn’t about you.
Sinclair: You wrote: “To all the women quoting this , liking this, and retweeting this: I see you, and I want to be friends with all of you, and I love you. I’m sorry men can be jerks, it’s not our fault.” Do you find that women often see view the violence, disrespect, and harassment they incur as being their fault?
Cassy: I can’t speak for all women, obviously, for myself however I don’t believe that it is my fault that men catcall me in the streets when I’m just trying to catch a bus to work, or follow me in their cars all the way home, grab me or call me “sweetheart” and other pet names in my place of work, call me a “bitch” when I disregard their advances when I don’t want to give them my time, or literally any other awful altercation I’ve experienced with a man. I do not view it as being my fault, I never have and I never will. That tweet however was a gentle reminder to the women relating to my tweet that it has never been their fault.
Sinclair: What advice would you give to a close friend seeking to set better boundaries in their relationships?
Cassy: If you are uncomfortable with something, don’t do it. Nobody knows you the way you know yourself, so don’t let someone else coerce you into being out of your comfort zone if you are not ready.
Sinclair: Your Twitter bio says, “Sometimes, I’m naked on the internet.” What’s that mean?
Cassy: It means exactly what it says.
Sinclair: Imagine that all your life’s work disappeared and you only had 1 minute to tell the world what you believe to be true. What would you say?
Cassy: The Rolling Stones are definitely better than the Beatles.
Cassy is a writer from Toronto, Ontario just looking to do the next right thing and for her own peace of mind.
Featured awesomeness: Cassy says, “Go volunteer or donate to your local nonprofits here’s one of mine that I donate to.”