We can choose to unlearn shame: a Q+A w/ Luna Matatas

 

Sinclair: What’s your three word bio?

Luna: Sex Educating Goddess

Sinclair: As a sex and pleasure educator, how do you want folks to feel as a result of working with you?

Luna: I love it when folks feel inspired to get creative with exploring their sexuality and eroticism. I want people to have more room for pleasure possibilities and less room for shame.

Sinclair: What is the typical feedback you get from people you work with?

Luna: My group and individual clients are always grateful for my enthusiasm, empathy, and my ability to normalize desire and sex. I am totally into being sexually curious and exploratory while not being attached to outcomes or other people’s versions of what’s “normal”. Sex is playful, messy and a combination of arousal from our minds and bodies – there’s lots of room for exploring more pleasure in contexts that are communicative, consensual, risk-aware and mutually pleasureable.

 

“I’m working to unlearn body shame everyday. I have developed useful and self-loving practices, but in a world that hates fat, big, feminine, brown and black bodies, it’s tough to be resilient in the face of those messages everyday.” – Luna Matatas

 

Sinclair: What does Peg the Patriarchy mean to you today? Also, what is pegging for folks who haven’t heard of it?

Luna: Peg the Patriarchy is a metaphor calling for subversion as a tool to dismantle the oppressive system of patriarchy. It’s another way of speaking to our desire to promote and demand a more equitable society, and unsubscribing from binary gender roles that validate behaviours – sexual or not.

Pegging is a term that came about from sex columnist Dan Savage in early 2000s, to describe a sex act where a woman uses a strap-on to have anal sex with cisgendered men. For everyone else,, this would be called ‘anal’ sex. Pegging as a term plays upon the inherent gender fucking, roleplay, and flipping the script of heteronormative sex by changing up who gets penetrated.

Sinclair: How do you go about creating and cultivating safe and judgement free spaces in your work?

Luna: I teach empathy and critical thinking. I challenge people to understand where they learned shame or judgement from, and whether or not that belief is actually something that serves them. Part of that is developing a refreshed relationship to our sexual desires, our pursuit of pleasure and our relationship with our bodies. Reframing our spaces to make room for communication, consent and creativity can open up our compassion for others. So you might not be into something you hear someone else is into, but is your reaction ‘meh, not for me’ or ‘eeeww gross’? We can choose to unlearn shame…who knows you might just discover a new way to get turned on!

“It’s really tough to be a sexually empowered femme and a boss bitch where so many men have learned an entitlement to women’s bodies and attention.” – Luna Matatas

Sinclair: What’s something we often get wrong when we talk about sexuality?

Luna: I think we forget that our biggest sex organ is between our ears. We embody sexuality solely in the physical and often purely in the pursuit of orgasms. Whether you’re masturbating or you’re with a partner, and whether it’s one night or a 1,000 nights, developing your ability to plug into your erotic mind can be incredibly liberating and empowering. You discover new confidence, creativity and can experience intensified connections to physical pleasure.

Sinclair: You offer some amazing workshops like the Sex Club Bestie Experience and How to Have a Threesome. Which workshops seem to have the most interest from folks? Which one are you most excited about?

Luna: Thank you! I LOVE teaching How to Have a Threesome – it’s one of my most popular workshops. More bodies and more desires make for a really sexy fantasy, but moving it to reality often requires some skills in navigating things like jealousy, performance anxiety, and awkwardness. Dirty Talk is also really popular – lots of us are turned on by it, but feel shy in figuring out what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.

I definitely love teaching kink. My approach to kink is playful and non-judgemental. I encourage people to think beyond the kink or fetish, and conjure up creative scenes that use intention, mood and flavour. Rope is just rope, but rope used as part of a power exchange scene or a sensual scene becomes a conduit for all the sexiness we want to offer through the kinky thing.

Sinclair: What’s the best part about going to work each day?

Luna: I love helping people. I love being of service to people. Getting to have a purpose in sex education that allows me to do that is pure bliss.

Sinclair: What’s one challenge you face in your work that you’re still working on navigating?

Luna: Sex educators don’t get paid well and there are few secure positions that allow people to do sex ed full time. I still work a full time job, that has nothing to do with sex ed, in order to live. I’m always working on ways to continue to grow my business so I can have less reliance on a corporate job income.

 

“I think we forget that our biggest sex organ is between our ears. We embody sexuality solely in the physical and often purely in the pursuit of orgasms.” – Luna Matatas

 

Sinclair: What’s something you’re working to unlearn?

Luna: I’m working to unlearn body shame everyday. I have developed useful and self-loving practices, but in a world that hates fat, big, feminine, brown and black bodies, it’s tough to be resilient in the face of those messages everyday. I think it’s important for educators and healers to also have their own mentors. I have an amazing pool of mentors and healers that I make time to practice with, so I can continue to evolve and help others learn different paths for transforming the things they want to unlearn.

Sinclair: You had post called Eat Pussy Like a Champ. If you only give one main tip on this, what would it be?

Luna: Be an enthusiastic eater! Showing how much you love the scent, the taste, your partner’s response to your mouth, the visual of their body or pussy, is incredibly affirming for the receiver. It makes them relax more and it gives more pleasure to the giver by focusing on how good it feels to make someone else feel good. Make eye contact, use dirty talk, take your time, taste every crevice of the vulva, inhale someone’s scent – using our senses opens up more portals of pleasure.

Sinclair: Who do you go to when you’re needing support and guidance?

Luna: I think healers are so important to my resilience. I see an Indigenous Healer who practices medicine on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. I also go to acupuncture. Holistic practices that allow for me to be seen as a whole, complex person and not just my particular problem are amazing. Whether it’s low energy, anxiety or neck pain, my circle of healers reminds me I can’t give if I’m on empty.

 

Sinclair: When was the last time you practiced self-care? What did you do?

Luna: This past weekend! Often, a lot of my ‘social’ time looks like it’s ‘play time’, but it is actually socializing within a sex ed persona – it’s not entirely relaxing even though it’s fun. So when I have time to be playful, I really take advantage of being alone. Part of my self-care is reconnecting to my body – I love putting on my Fuck Like a Goddess panties and a tank and just dancing around my house to a sexy playlist. That surge of sensuality reminds me to continue to feel, move, and pause amongst all the things I have on my plates.

Sinclair: What’s something that’s been bringing you joy lately?

Luna: I LOVE to travel and teach. I’ve just put in my calendar 4 workshops I’ll be teaching in New Mexico and New Orleans in August!

Sinclair: What’s something that’s been pissing you off lately?

Luna: I’m resentful that I often have to take safety measures, because I’m a woman and because I’m a woman online teaching sex ed, that my male counterparts don’t have to deal with. So, it’s really tough to be a sexually empowered femme and a boss bitch where so many men have learned an entitlement to women’s bodies and attention – it can range from daily unsolicited predatorial DMs to threats to racism to concerns for my physical safety. While I often work with men, in couples and in singles, there is an overarching toxicity fueled by patriarchy that keeps me very acutely aware of the risks of my work. Masculinity desperately needs a makeover.

Sinclair: Who are a few amazing people that we should follow?

Luna:

Sinclair: What is one piece of advice you’d give to someone struggling with self-doubt and feeling like giving up on their dreams?

Luna: We’re taught self-doubt and we’re told that reaching for our wildest dreams is irresponsible. Tell a different story. Tell the story that makes your gut feel empowered, passionate, and driven. Self-doubt loves to partner with other negative self-talk, but we can honour those stories and also create new ones that are infused with language that fuels our dreams.

Sinclair: Imagine that all your life’s work disappeared and you only had 1 minute to tell the world what you truly believe to be true. What would you say?

Luna: There is a lot of pleasure in giving pleasure – whether that’s to our partners or ourselves. We have infinite opportunities to co-create the kind of pleasure we want.

💎💎💎

Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and created Peg The Patriarchy. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, she facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others.

Learn more about Luna and connect: Instagram | Twitter | Website

Featured awesomeness: Luna says, “My Etsy Shop is where I house all of my creations, from Fuck Like a Goddess panties (available up to 4x), nipple pasties and Peg the Patriarchy shirts. Check out GlitterGiftsByLuna.”