What impact do you hope your TEDTalk has on others? 

I hope my talk makes people think. I hope people walk away from it realizing what their biases are so that they may change them. I hope that I am able to empower people to be better in their everyday lives, but I also hope to empower Latin American individuals to stand firm in who they are.

People need to see themselves in others so that life isn’t so lonely, but at the end of the day, if representation isn’t there, how can that be achieved?

I hope my talk can motivate people to bridge that gap.

Tell us about a time you navigated self-doubt in your career? Where did you find support?

I work as a Registered Nurse at my local hospital, and time and time again, self-doubt creeps up at the most inconvenient moments. The thing is, working in healthcare is hard, because it’s a profession that directly interacts with people in their most vulnerable moments.

It can be stressful, it can be emotionally draining, and it can breed a lot of self doubt. I will have days where it feels like everything is going wrong; the patient is upset, the doctor is upset, and a million tasks are my responsibility to complete.

Then there are the really great days – the days where I am reminded why I choose to become an RN. In the moments when I ask myself, “why am I doing this,” I find a lot of comfort and support in the staff I have.

I also reflect back on the bigger picture – I wanted to become an RN so that I could represent a broader group of people. There is a gap in the representation that is seen with healthcare professionals, and that needs to change.

I hope I can be a small part in making the difference. 

What’s something that’s breaking your heart these days? 

I recently learned about the cancellation of the Netflix Original Series One Day at a Time. When I heard this news, I was incredibly upset at the fact that a show portraying the Latinx family experience, would no longer be shown for public viewing. 

One Day at a Time was unique in the sense that it showed real experiences and situations that families go though, specifically Latinx families. Often in television and film, Latinx characters are shown as drug dealer, criminals, or just two-dimensional people. One Day at a Time broke that trend, and for once, gave us characters that are actually relatable.

I’m sad to see that the representation One Day at a Time brought will no longer be available, but based on the uproar from viewers who are angry with the decision, I am confident that the world is ready now, more than ever, to welcome correct and accurate Latinx representation onscreen.  

What cultural customs have you kept from your upbringing?  

Food, music, dancing, football watching. Emphasis on the football! The Uruguayan football team has always been on in my home, which definitely makes me feel closer to my roots just by seeing a reflection of my country.

We also have a phrase “garra charrua,” that emphasizes the importance of not giving up in the face of adversity. My dad always reminds my sisters and I of the “garra charrua” spirit in moments when life gets hard. 

I hope I can be a small part in making the difference.

Raquél Pérez

What’s the most recent thing you did for self-care?

I often find myself in situations where I am doing too much. Attending too many meetings, joining too may organizations, working too hard; you name it, it feels like I’ve done it. I recognized a trend that was beginning to look like burn out, and I knew something needed to change.

I decided I simply needed to start saying no. Instead of compromising my time for the benefit of others, I started keeping my time for myself.

Now I have more time to focus, meditate, and breathe. I go to therapy twice a month to make sure that my head is clear, and that has helped leaps and bounds.

I would also say that presenting my TEDx talk was a form of self-care. I took the time to go after something I’ve wanted for a while, did it for me, and talked about something that hits home for a lot of people. It was a very cathartic moment.

Learn more about Raquél and connect

Cultural representaton based on stereotypes is still active in the media today, says Raquél Pérez. A member of the Latinx community, she believes our society is more than ready for the media to eliminate this misrepresentation. Raquél Peréz graduated cum laude from URI in 2017 as a first generation bachelor’s degree recipient and earned a BSN. After graduating, Raquél spend the next year as an AmeriCorps member, aiding in affordable housing and currently works as a Registered Nurse at Miriam Hospital.
Raquél’s Twitter.

Laila Delight enjoys their life as a travelling sex worker, yoga teacher, and health coach. They are learning the ukelele and how to practice and share universal acceptance. 💎

What does being an intersectional feminist mean to you?

To me, being an intersectional feminist means liberating everyone from white colonial patriarchal capitalism.

It means working to change the dominant paradigm to include the voices and concerns of marginalized people.

It means protecting the earth and the indigenous people who depend on following the cycles of their environment.

To me, there is no difference between a feminist and a permaculturalist; everything is intersectional. Respecting the needs of people in various socioeconomic grounds also means utilizing resources available with sustainable methods. To be intersectional means to fully respect and offer allyship to marginalized groups and vocalize that the struggles of varying/overlapping groups are all different and deserve to be pursued to the great extent of the culpability.

What’s the best part about being a Libra moon?

My eye for detail, love for color, and passion for justice.

What’s something we often get wrong about sex work?

That it’s safer criminalized than decriminalized. Our lives would be so much less stigmatized if there weren’t legal implications for practicing such a vital and virtuous career. The criminalization of sex work conflates sex work with sex trafficking.

Both are illegal and one definitely should be, but keeping sex work illegal masks the issue of trafficking, mainly consent.

Trafficking is not sex work’s fault.

Demand for sex work does not mean there is demand for trafficking. Trafficking happens in multiple fields of work, just as exploitation happens in multiple fields of work. Sex work has proven its longevity, as long as we insist on placing monetary value on things we desire and need, people will pay money for sex.

So we need to make a clear distinction between people who are kidnapped and forced into sex slavery and the cam model giving a blow job to her boyfriend in her bedroom. Right now, a grey area covers everything in between those two scenarios.

Consensual sex work provides a safe space for creative expression, as well as filling a demand! It’s dehumanizing and degrading to insist all sex workers are forced into employment and would be better off doing something else. Full service sex work can be just as much of a therapeutic experience as an erotic one and everyone should be allowed seek services to make themselves feel good -(As long as they aren’t harming others.

The criminalization of sex work puts all sex workers at risk.

Criminalization of sex work also disproportionately targets those workers who are already marginalized. The white cam girls need to stand up and speak in defense of the black trans woman doing full service on the street. The stigma is for all of us, but only some get beaten. Only some die.

But we all deserve to be safe in our jobs.

What is something we often get wrong when talking about sex and sexuality?

I think the next idea that needs to die away is the binary notion of sex, sexuality, and gender. We are much more beautiful and complex that a dual option checkbox.

Your sexuality doesn’t have any bearing on your gender. I identify as a genderfluid, non-binary, trans masculine person. That’s my gender identity and my gender expression changes as it will. My sexuality is open, and I am attracted to people of all genders.

I identified as bisexual until I learned of the term pansexual, meaning to include all/non genders. I am also a slut, which to me, means I am comfortable with my sexual desires and delight in pursuing them.

What’s something you’re currently working on that’s both super challenging and exciting?

Surfing challenges my body and mind. I think it’s pretty exciting. I am also committed to healing my bodily ailments through an Ayurvedic lifestyle, yoga, and meditation. All of those practices both challenge and excite me, my own life is my favorite project.

What’s something you’re working to unlearn?

Raised as an evangelical fundamentalist Christian meant I developed a deep self-loathing as a child.  Sex work has been a wonderful tool in healing those wounds. It is a powerful platform for building self-love. I get to set the standard for how I’m viewed and it just keeps getting higher and higher.

As far as cultural reeducation goes, I am continually learning and appreciating the diversity of cultures on this planet. Indigenous culture is smoothed over by white colonial supremacy. As a fervent fundamentalist, I was hellbent on providing the gospel to people groups who had never heard the word of God.

I was not taught that it was the missionaries that brought so much destruction to the lands they sought to save. I didn’t understand when I was younger what was truly lost in the colonization of the America (or the rest of the world.) I didn’t understand white supremacy. In fact, I thought it was truly right to continue that pattern – all for Jesus, after all.

My ancestors – my very white puritan forebearers – came over on the Mayflower. You know, the boat with the prudes in the boxy hats. They were religious explorers out to practice their shame ridden ideology.

There were thousands of separate indigenous groups already living throughout the continent. Now, people maybe know a handful of tribes. All of rest are dead from genocide. The disease were brought from the European continent and were purposefully spread, which decimated the population.

An estimated 50-100 million natives lived here before white people set up shop along the Atlantic Coast.  And now there are 5 million. While the rest of the world population is growing, native women are being forcibly sterilized.

This is not an ancient issue from times we have left behind; this is practiced in our generation.  It happened over hundreds of years and it still continuing today. There are thousands of murdered and missing indigenous women, currently known in the United States.

When I used to think of genocide, I used to just consider the Holocaust. But millions more indigenous lives have been lost due to white colonial supremacy, probably billions. I am continually learning more accurate history and it only makes me more compassionate.

I am unlearning generations of trauma, entitlement and privilege. I believe the white settlers (everywhere) survived because of the open cooperation of the native inhabitant of the lands they stole. I would not be here today if my ancestors did not receive life saving supplies and information about their new home.  Even if my ancestors weren’t looking for gold and slaves, they came with the ultimate sense of Christian entitlement and saw the natives as people to be converted, not respected.

And 400 years later, I still have to listen to Christian music on the radio, but I’ve never heard a word of native tongue, spoken by an indigenous on those airwaves. That’s genocide.

Who do you go to when you’re needing support and guidance?

I really only reach out when I’m in desperation. I talk to other people about their problems a lot (phone sex operator = sex therapist) and should really reach out more to friends just to chat about what’s going on in my life.

I have a few friends that I know are there for me, but I only really go there when everything is totally falling apart. I’m continually learning to trust my higher self and inner voice of intuition. I’m also hoping to get settled and start cognitive behavioral therapy up again. It’s been too long.  

When was the last time you practiced self-care and why is self-care important to you?

I just stopped working on the computer for 20 minutes and did some yoga and smoked some weed. I love to find whatever pose feels best and just chill out there.

Self-care is essential for me to maintain the healthy inner balance I require both for contentment and providing joy and insight to others.

What’s something that’s been bringing you joy lately?

Meeting other sex workers really makes me happy. Such a diverse and beautiful group of people. I also really like my ukulele. Practicing gratitude for what I already have also brings me a lot of happiness, highly recommended.

I think the next idea that needs to die away is the binary notion of sex, sexuality, and gender. We are much more beautiful and complex that a dual option checkbox.

Laila Delight

What’s something that’s been pissing you off lately?

The past and present genocide of the indigenous people in the occupied lands of North America people makes me sick to my stomach. I think about it a lot, and recently,several news stories passed through my scrolling. I was shown information that was extremely disturbing.

Forced sterilization has been a part of US policy for a long time, but I haven’t heard of it until recently. I’m pissed off at how obliviously I was raised and how careless people consume culture without considering its implications. I’m pissed at how distracted everyone is, including myself. And we’ve been missing the picture because we haven’t had enough marginalized voices telling their piece of the story.

When was a time that self-doubt was at its worst for you while on your career and life journey?

Well…about a year ago I was mostly homeless, stressed out and picked up drinking again, briefly. I’d been sober for several years but it just seemed like this time, I would be able to handle it. As any addict knows, things quickly escalated and I ended up having too much tequila and falling down a slip-n-slide.

My immune system was already shot and my body responded by triggering a shingles outbreak. It made it impossible to work, was extremely painful, and emotionally scarring. I felt disgusting. But luckily, I had a ridiculous amount of love in my recovery period.  

I healed up, with a hardened resolve to leave alcohol behind for good and planned my first trip to do trade scenes in Las Vegas. I still have the scars on my back, but now they are a reminder to honor my body and I’m grateful.

What is one piece of advice you’d give to someone struggling with self-doubt and feeling like giving up on their dreams?

You are utterly unique in your capacity to achieve your destiny. No one else will be able to do what you are able to do.  So don’t give up, no one can replace you. The world needs your dreams as much as you do.

We don’t have time to wait, embrace what you love or we will all perish. We must inspire each other to be our authentic selves, or we will drift into vague monotony (ruled by white imperialist patriarchy).

Your dream is important. And every ounce of struggle will add to the richness of the final tale, your fairy tale.

Imagine that all your life’s work disappeared and you only had 1 minute to tell the world what you truly believe to be true. What would you say?

We only have the present moment in which to act and be aware. The more finely we can tune into the present, the more we experience from life. But it becomes too much to bear, this present moment, do not worry, because the next now brings the same opportunity.

In Sanskrit, Sat Nam mean “I am the Truth, the truth is in me. I experience myself in alignment with my truth.”

We will never know our truth by pushing suppressing what we truly desire. Allow yourself to be present and uncover what this moment has for you.

Namaste.

Learn more about Laila Delight and connect on Twitter. 🎉

What are the origins of your podcast Black Tech Unplugged?

Originally I was doing another podcast and I decided to leave that opportunity, but I didn’t want to stop interviewing and sharing people’s stories because I am passionate about that.

Now at the time there wasn’t a large Black tech community presence as it is now. Being that I was often in the situation where I would be the only Black person in the room I wanted to connect with other Black techies and grow the community.

So I decided what better way to share stories and highlight the community than to continue with a new podcast and that’s how Black Tech Unplugged was formed.

What’s the biggest challenge being a black woman in Tech?

The biggest challenge of being a black woman in tech is the notion that we are still unicorns to the industry.

That means, when I go into a room or job I still have the potential to be the only Black woman or person there.

Who do you go to when you’re needing support and guidance?

Family and friends. I come from a family of strong Black women so when I need a pep talk I always go to them to get advice. And you know when people say there’s a group text that hypes you up every day? Well I’m blessed to have about 3 of those!

What’s the most rewarding part about being a Tech Storyteller?

The most rewarding part of being a tech storyteller is being able to tell the stories of other people. People underestimate how their stories and experiences can really have an impact on others.

What’s your favorite app on your phone?

Definitely Instagram.

What’s something you wish you could say to your 16 year old self?

I would tell my 16 year old self to not listen to a single thing that anyone is telling you to do and instead do what you think is best.

The only way to grow and learn is from experiencing things in your own way otherwise you might end up living according to someone else’s rules.

What’s something that’s been bringing you joy lately?

Reading books. Because who can resist getting lost in a good storyline?

My unshakable values are: stay in faith, love myself unconditionally, and always speak up.

Deena McKay

What’s something that’s been pissing you off lately?

The lack of sympathy in this world. I don’t know when everyone decided that not considering other people’s feelings or not putting yourself in other people’s shoes was cute, but it’s not.

When was the last time you practiced self-care and why is self-care important to you?

I practice self-care every day because I truly cannot function throughout an entire day if I don’t pour into myself first. I start everyday by writing and just doing a brain dump and meditation.

What are your unshakable values and when did you become clear on them?

My unshakable values are: stay in faith, love myself unconditionally, and always speak up. These are values that were instilled in me at a young age by family and mentors.

It’s years in the future. You’re on stage to accept an award for your life’s work.  What’s your five word acceptance speech

Keep going no matter what!

Learn more about Deena + connect

Deena McKay is the founder and host of the podcast Black Tech Unplugged, a podcast that highlights Blacks who innovate and work in the tech industry. Deena started Black Tech Unplugged as a way for others to hear the authentic stories of Black in tech and to show people that Blacks are indeed in the tech industry. Black Tech Unplugged: IG + Twitter + Website. Deena McKay: IG + Twitter + Website.