Actually, you deserve to be here.

Photo x Noah Buscher

Each week I hold a Twitter chat called #ClarityTalk on Mondays at 9pm ET.  And each week, today’s guest author, Angela Delfine, blows me away with her honesty and words. In her message to us she writes: “They’ll do what they can to bring you down because they aren’t happy with their own lives.” I know. Hits hard, right? If something in today’s message speaks to you, reach out to Angela. Let her know. Connect. See where the conversation takes you. As always, I’m thankful to have you here, dear reader. – Sinclair 

 Words by Angela Delfine

I need you to hear this loud and clear: you deserve to be where you are. Often times we question whether or not we belong in that seat at the table. We worry that what we are saying is not valid or worth anyone’s time. We feel like imposters in our own lives.

Imposter syndrome is very real and all of us experience it at one time or another.

I need you to know that it’s ok to feel that way sometimes but, in the end, you need to realize that your feelings are real, your ideas are valid, and you deserve to triumph.

My journey has been a long and sometimes painful one. As humans, we all have experiences where certain people in our lives tell us that we’re not good enough or smart enough. Even though I like to believe that people are naturally good, I’m not naïve enough to overlook one fact: sometimes people are just plain mean.

They’ll do what they can to bring you down because they aren’t happy with their own lives.

As a child, I was severely bullied because of my weight. I was the chubby girl with glasses that loved school. It took me well into adulthood to learn how to love my body and to realize that there is nothing wrong with not being a size 2 (but also, there’s nothing wrong if you are).

On top of my struggle with body positivity, I had also been in an abusive relationship and other relationships with abusive tendencies. I was told that I wasn’t pretty enough, was made to feel like I wasn’t smart enough, and found myself continuing to hate who I was and what I looked like.

It took years of actively choosing to be single, focusing on my career, and making happiness and self-care a priority in order for me to move forward. My 3 years of working at Saint Mary’s College in Notre Dame (an all-women’s college) was where I grew the most. I learned to love myself and my flaws. I learned that even though I am a woman, I am intelligent and deserve success. I found peace with myself and my world.

 

That is what we all must strive for.

 

During that time, I focused on “dating” myself. I took time to reflect on the things that I am good at. I went out on Saturday mornings to the farmer’s market and did things that truly brought me little bits of joy. I learned to realize that I am an awesome person who truly deserves the job and life she has worked for.

 

Your self-love journey will not be an easy one. There are people and events that may crush you. You may fall over at times. But when you get back up and keep on walking, I assure you that the road will be a better one. I’m not expecting you to find joy and confidence immediately. I’m asking you to at least strive for it. Know that you deserve it. We all do.

 

Know that when you keep your head held high you will go places, my friend. You are so worthy. Your concerns, ideas, triumphs, and challenges are all valid. There are people who hear you and see you. We’re rooting for you all the way.

Now take your seat at the table and know that you belong there.

Headshot - Delfine

Angela Delfine is a graduate student in the Student Affairs in Higher Education program at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. She enjoys blogging about self-care, traveling, reading with her cat, painting, eating Pad Thai, and making people laugh. Follow Angela on Twitter or email her at  angela.delfine24@gmail.com.

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Mental Health Mixtape: “My Anxious Mess of a Beautiful Life”

 

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